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May 17, 2009

S: Sharing Ourselves with Others

May 17, 2009 S: Sharing ourselves with others
Colossians 3:12-17, John 15:9-17

We are in the middle of a series on spiritual practices—ways we can stay in love with God. This week, I want to talk about building spiritual friendships—friendships that encourage and challenge us to love God. What would that look like?

Let me tell you about my friend Liz. I met Liz in April 1988. We were both new to Oak Park and a mutual friend introduced us. We are as different as night and day. Liz is petite, thin, dark complexion, and striking. She’s full of energy, outgoing and dynamic. She moved back to the area from NYC and she had that hip NYC way about her. At the time, I was much shyer than I am now—almost timid. Liz overwhelmed me the first time we met. I wondered why our mutual friend had put us in touch with each other. We were so different. But our mutual friend was on to something. Sure enough, within a couple months, we were inseparable. Looking back, I realized that we didn’t choose each other. It was God who brought us together.

While we were different in many ways, we did have some things in common. We were both starting over, broke and working for minimum wage. Neither one of us had a car. And we had a similar circle of friends. When we went out in the evening, I would watch Liz in a crowd and marvel at her ability to talk to strangers. Finally, I asked her how she did it. Liz taught me how to be confident and engage strangers in a conversation. Liz struggled with being organized. I helped her with that. We learned from each other. We also talked about everything! Our friendship was built on honest, open sharing. We shared the broken parts of ourselves with each other. In the midst of our individual brokenness, we supported and loved each other when we struggled to love ourselves.

God was a very important part of our relationship. Both of us wanted to have a stronger relationship with God. Because this was important to both of us, we could ask the other, “Where is God in this situation?” What do you think God’s will is for you? Did you pray about it?” We laughed about our crazy behaviors. We cried at the many losses we had to relinquish. Throughout our relationship, we loved, encouraged, and sometimes challenged each other to put God at the center of our lives.
From the outside, we were as different as night and day. But on the inside, where it counts, we were both seeking the same thing. A life with God at the center.

Less than two years after we met, Liz moved back to NYC. She reunited with her husband. We kept in touch. A few years after she returned to NYC, I went to visit. We hadn’t spent any significant time together in a couple years. We spend 3-4 days together and there was some real tension. The day I left, we had a big disagreement. I remember sitting on the airplane thinking, “Who does she think she is? I don’t need this.”

There was a part of me that wanted to end the friendship. She lived so far away. She didn’t know me anymore. But after some reflection and prayer, I realized that Liz is an important person in my life. I didn’t want to let our relationship end. I called her and we talked about our argument. We both realized that each of us was growing and changing. That’s a good thing.

But because we didn’t see each other all the time, we were making assumptions about each other based on past history, not current reality. We also realized that the time that we had put into this relationship before enabled us to be honest and real with each other during this difficult event.

We’re still close. Her parents live in the Chicagoland area, so she calls me when she’s in town. In fact, Mark and I will see Liz and her family this summer in Michigan. I wish she lived closer so we could spend more time together. There is no denying that our relationship is not what it was or what it could be if we lived closer. We do have a deep connection that we pick up whenever we talk or get together.

But the piece that is missing now is the ability to challenge and encourage each other about our relationship with God. What happened? It’s not that we’ve done anything wrong. We just don’t spend the time together that we used to. And time together is what provides the foundation to ask the questions regarding our relationship with God. The knowledge of others and who they are beyond the façade comes by spending time together.

A spiritual friendship is not about fixing anyone, giving advice, or judging the other person. It is about journeying together, both persons growing in faith, hope, and love. It’s about playing together and praying together. It is mutual and interdependent. Spiritual friendships are reciprocal. For some of us it is easier to give than to receive. But God desires that we be comfortable with both. And in a spiritual friendship, we practice both giving and receiving.

Spiritual friends can be one on one or in a small group. Jesus practiced spiritual friendships with his disciples. His was the original small group model. He invited people into a relationship with him. Those who said yes spent time with Jesus. They watched Jesus. They discussed the events that occurred in their lives. They questioned the primary focus of their lives and their reactions to life’s events. When they were with Jesus, the disciples experienced the presence of God—even if they couldn’t always put their finger on what it was at the time. What they did know was this. When Jesus was not with them, their lives were different—something was missing.

Jesus invites us to take the risk and to have more than allies, colleagues and acquaintances in our lives. His presence, the Holy Spirit, is alive among us. While we cannot be physically with Jesus, we can be open to the people, places and situations God puts into our lives. By being open to the many ways the Spirit works in our lives, we are building a stronger relationship with God. And like any relationship, our relationship with God ebbs and flows. Often when God is nudging us to follow Her, we go looking for something else.

How many of you know the movie, Shall we Dance—English version with Richard Gere, Susan Sarandon, Jennifer Lopez?

John Clark (played by Richard Gere) is an estate lawyer who has a good job, beautiful, successful wife and a loving family. Nevertheless, he feels that something is missing in his life. Through a series of events, this quiet, reserved lawyer from the suburbs ends up taking dance lesson at a small, downtown studio and finds his passion for life again. Add to the mix the beautiful and talented Jennifer Lopez as one of the dance instructors. After a while his wife Beverly, played by Susan Sarandon, notices that John’s different and he’s busy a lot. She hires a private inspector.
At one point in the movie, the private inspector asks Beverly, why stay married. Beverly responds with this memorable line from the movie:

“We need a witness to our lives. There's a billion people on the planet... I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things... all of it, all of the time, every day. You're saying 'Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness'."

I love this memorial quote. “Your live will not go unnoticed because I will notice…I will be your witness.” While I love Beverly’s quote about being a witness to her husband’s life, I think this quote could have a much broader, Christian appeal. It is so Biblical. God is asking us to be the witnesses to God’s presence in our lives and in the world. In this romantic comedy, we get to know a man, lost and looking for “something.” John does not go to his significant other—in this case, his wife—because he does not want her to feel as if she has failed him. So he turns to a dance studio because it makes for a good movie.

But what if he had a friend from his church that he had been spending time with? A relationship built on mutual sharing, openness, give and take while golfing, attending Bible study, working around the church, or attending Church Camp? How would a spiritual friend ship have helped John Clark identify and develop this invitation from God? How could his life and the lives of others have benefitted by becoming more harmonious, full of peace, gratitude, compassion, and love beyond his immediate family?

As a society, we put too much pressure on our significant other to be everything in our lives. When we think that our best friend, our only true witness must be our significant other we devalue the single life and insinuates that only a partner can be a witness to someone’s life. That is not true.

The more open we are to a variety of spiritual friends, the more we grow and experience a deeper, richer relationship with God. By letting people in to witness our broken places, our confusion, our struggles and our strengths, we help others to see the same in themselves. We begin to realized that none of us is unique, alone or unlovable. We are all imperfect and yet precious children of God.

If you have a spiritual friend, celebrate this relationship. Cultivate it. If you would like a spiritual friend, look at the people God has placed in your life. Who continues to pop up in various places or situations? What is God trying to say to you? I’d like our church community to have more opportunities for you to develop spiritual friends. If this is something you are interested in, please drop me an email or catch me after service.

God made us to live in community to have a relationship with God and with each other. In the company of others we travel the road of life. In the company of trusted friends we can learn to tell the truth about ourselves. By sharing ourselves with others in deep and meaningful ways, we are both transformed and connected to something larger than ourselves—the Spirit of Christ. Through giving and receiving of unconditional, compassionate love, God is witnessed. And tha

Posted by vickie at 10:00 AM